Would you say

lise: would you say my mother and oldest sister are toxic people

Tony: I think so...Toxic to people close to them
to the general public ...no

lise: right
do you think it is better for me to avoid them
or should I try to have relationships with them

Tony: i’m not qualified to answer that
sorry

lise: your opinion?

Tony: that is an uncomfortable question...I think thats something you need to determine
personally
if I was in that situation....I probably would keep them at arms length.
deal with them occasionally but not really go out on a limb type thing

lise: right

Tony: really i guess the question is..if things were better between them would you feel more fulfilled
and that cant come from a “I feel guilty” point of view..You ahve to step back and really take stock of the situation.

lise: yea
I come up with the same answer

Tony: 1. Do I feel Im missing something in my life in regards to them
2. To make things right will mean being open with them about how I feel about them
3. they need to get help before we can have a healthy relationship
4 I need to get help before we can have a healthy relationship
shit like that

lise: I feel distanced and maybe I’m too hard on them and I feel optimistic that we could have a better relationship but then when I try it’s all me me me with them and then “communication mixups” happen and I get hurt

Tony: right- they need to get help
1. your mom is a [prescription] drug addict [ativan, et al]

lise: yea

Tony: 2. your sister is in denial and in a very unhealthy home situation

lise: that’s right

Tony: and is a horder among other things
and there is no way you can have any healthy relationship with them as long as they continue to live their lives this way

lise: yea she’s got tons of her own Dr. Phil family first issues
and every once in a while when her crisises come to a flashpoint I think I can help and I wind up getting my head bitten off

Tony: SOOo if you want to pursue this you need to confront them and tell them exactly how you feel and give them the option of getting help or staying at arms length
I also think you would need to see someone to talk to about this and keep you in check

lise: yea. no, I don’t trust either of them enough to tell them how I feel so there’s the answer
that’s why I asked you

Tony: not get sucked into thier vortex
yea..
well I think you should see someone about that too...maybe help you understand you’re not at fault and shouldn’t think irrational thoughts because they are the screwed up ones

lise: right.

Tony: EVEN if you werent right..EVEN if you blew things out of proportion..theres a reason for it..precendence..its not like it just happens.
you are the most logical and clearheaded of anyone I met in your family
you got baggage and its not easy to deal with but in the end YOU cant think irrational thoughts
they need to be held accountable for thier personalities...not you
anyways..thats my opinion