The claw
Well, any progress I had been making over the past couple of weeks was effectively wiped away by my nerves. I’m just dumbfounded at my complete lack of capacity to cope with any riding situation other than schooling by myself or galloping out on the trail. Christine and I had trucked Mico and Irish in together since our lessons were one right after the other, but Mico was fine with eating hay and surveying his surrounding through the sides of our stock trailer while Irish was in his lesson.
Things got nervier when I brought Mico into the indoor for our lesson. I’d been feeling optimistic, since we’d started to have good rides again, and figured I’d be able to continue the progress into the lesson and start back on an upward trend again. I expected Mico to be spooky by himself in a new arena, but I also expected to be able to keep him–meaning me–focused enough to ride through any potential shying or spooking. The walk work started out ok, but when Michele had me move up to the trot, holy crap WAS I TENSE! I was trapped in a flashback to this winter, and what a difference it was from the rides from earlier in the week. No wonder Mico was being such a shit! I was making him so uncomfortable.
I was so tense, I was physically incapable of relaxing my upper body, and mentally incapable of focusing enough to fully hear or comprehend what Michele was trying to get me to do to rescue the ride. Shortly into the first warm up trot, I had to stop, take a swig of water and roll my shoulders and arms–I was so tense I was starting to cramp up. It was so ridiculous I apologized. At least this lesson Michele was finally seeing what I’d been talking about when I was talking about my issues, and the vicious cycle of tension, inability to ride and lack of self-confidence. Plus the extra added bonus of having Mico on the muscle, by this time he was calling for Irish in his manly way.
Michele had me pick up the trot again, and by way of forcing me to breathe, had me count strides as I trotted 20 meter circles and from corner to corner. I may have been having a crappy lesson, but I will say that I got the same exact number of strides for every circle and corner I rode. Which leads me to my next point: rhythm. If there was one thing that Michele emphasised during the lesson that managed to sink into my addled head, it was to establish and maintain a steady, forward rhythm before all else. Stop looking at the horse’s head, don’t worry about the head, don’t worry about on the bit or anything else until you have rhythm.
A few times when she thought I had a steady enough rhythm going, she tried to get me to establish contact with Mico, but I just could not relax my wrists, arms, shoulders, upper body enough OR keep my hands quiet enough to ride Mico into the contact. So, she had me put my hands on the saddle and keep them there, and sure enough Mico started to reach into the contact. In fact, Mico started to LEAN into the contact. I think my next step should have been to ride him more forward and use vibrations of the fingers–something–anything–to keep him from leaning. But, it was a step up from whatever the hell it was that I’d been doing.
I had told Michele that what had really helped me get feel back again after struggling last winter was the spiralling in and out of the circle at the trot, so she had me try a few to see if that would help me get focused and thinking through my issues. Since it didn’t, she had me do more basic 20 meter circles on the short ends of the arena with counter bending down the long sides. The counter bending started to work! Although it was the end of the lesson, at least I had started to relax, and get Mico going forward, and between that, rhythm, going forward, and the counter bend, we seemed to hit upon a combination that unlocked me enough to get myself and Mico together. Michele confirmed that the counter bend and going forward was two very basic exercises that worked effectively for us in that situation.
What the lesson did, instead of grind me down again, was show me without a doubt that all the riding issues are in my head, and the sheer amount of nerves that overwhelm me at time just render me incapable of riding, and when that happens, I need to think of something I can do to rescue the situation, instead of trying to force myself to ride through it and worsen the situation and reinforce the issue.
Michele also has cut me off from any negative self criticism, something Tony and those guys have been trying to get me to knock off for a while. She said it makes her feel bad, since she is my instructor, because it makes it seem like she’s not doing me any good. And what better way o get me to quit doing anything than make me feel guilty about it! Seriously, though, I know the constant rehearsing of negative talk is just completely counter productive to my attempt to become a better rider. I don’t know why I get so stuck on it.
P.S. No horse likes the Claw. Learn how to give with the reins.
Things got nervier when I brought Mico into the indoor for our lesson. I’d been feeling optimistic, since we’d started to have good rides again, and figured I’d be able to continue the progress into the lesson and start back on an upward trend again. I expected Mico to be spooky by himself in a new arena, but I also expected to be able to keep him–meaning me–focused enough to ride through any potential shying or spooking. The walk work started out ok, but when Michele had me move up to the trot, holy crap WAS I TENSE! I was trapped in a flashback to this winter, and what a difference it was from the rides from earlier in the week. No wonder Mico was being such a shit! I was making him so uncomfortable.
I was so tense, I was physically incapable of relaxing my upper body, and mentally incapable of focusing enough to fully hear or comprehend what Michele was trying to get me to do to rescue the ride. Shortly into the first warm up trot, I had to stop, take a swig of water and roll my shoulders and arms–I was so tense I was starting to cramp up. It was so ridiculous I apologized. At least this lesson Michele was finally seeing what I’d been talking about when I was talking about my issues, and the vicious cycle of tension, inability to ride and lack of self-confidence. Plus the extra added bonus of having Mico on the muscle, by this time he was calling for Irish in his manly way.
Michele had me pick up the trot again, and by way of forcing me to breathe, had me count strides as I trotted 20 meter circles and from corner to corner. I may have been having a crappy lesson, but I will say that I got the same exact number of strides for every circle and corner I rode. Which leads me to my next point: rhythm. If there was one thing that Michele emphasised during the lesson that managed to sink into my addled head, it was to establish and maintain a steady, forward rhythm before all else. Stop looking at the horse’s head, don’t worry about the head, don’t worry about on the bit or anything else until you have rhythm.
A few times when she thought I had a steady enough rhythm going, she tried to get me to establish contact with Mico, but I just could not relax my wrists, arms, shoulders, upper body enough OR keep my hands quiet enough to ride Mico into the contact. So, she had me put my hands on the saddle and keep them there, and sure enough Mico started to reach into the contact. In fact, Mico started to LEAN into the contact. I think my next step should have been to ride him more forward and use vibrations of the fingers–something–anything–to keep him from leaning. But, it was a step up from whatever the hell it was that I’d been doing.
I had told Michele that what had really helped me get feel back again after struggling last winter was the spiralling in and out of the circle at the trot, so she had me try a few to see if that would help me get focused and thinking through my issues. Since it didn’t, she had me do more basic 20 meter circles on the short ends of the arena with counter bending down the long sides. The counter bending started to work! Although it was the end of the lesson, at least I had started to relax, and get Mico going forward, and between that, rhythm, going forward, and the counter bend, we seemed to hit upon a combination that unlocked me enough to get myself and Mico together. Michele confirmed that the counter bend and going forward was two very basic exercises that worked effectively for us in that situation.
What the lesson did, instead of grind me down again, was show me without a doubt that all the riding issues are in my head, and the sheer amount of nerves that overwhelm me at time just render me incapable of riding, and when that happens, I need to think of something I can do to rescue the situation, instead of trying to force myself to ride through it and worsen the situation and reinforce the issue.
Michele also has cut me off from any negative self criticism, something Tony and those guys have been trying to get me to knock off for a while. She said it makes her feel bad, since she is my instructor, because it makes it seem like she’s not doing me any good. And what better way o get me to quit doing anything than make me feel guilty about it! Seriously, though, I know the constant rehearsing of negative talk is just completely counter productive to my attempt to become a better rider. I don’t know why I get so stuck on it.
P.S. No horse likes the Claw. Learn how to give with the reins.
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