The giant sucking sound you now hear
I’ve been struggling with riding and motivation issue for more than two years now. Actually, it’s been more like 4-5 years, since I left my old trainer and I was burnt out well before then. You one or two readers have been patient supporters and reassuring cheerleaders, and you all have read about my neverending stream of woes and complaints and fears and everything else.
The reality is, I make too many excuses to not ride. I have two great horses at my disposal, Clover and Mico, and I let the opportunity to better myself as a rider go to waste. Also, I have a yearling colt that I hardly touch for fear that I’ll screw him up. I don’t expect and I can’t rely on Christine to do the work for me, it’s just not right. The bottom line is, Christine said something the other day that really struck a chord with me: that she spends so much time and money on the horses that she wants to get as much enjoyment as she can out of them by riding and actually doing things with them. I’ve depended so much on Christine to keep me motivated, but I’m afraid I disappoint her more than she actually motivates me.
I can’t justify the cost of keeping horses as pets. I’ve had this conversation with Tony several times over the past couple of years, and now even he sees I’m just letting it go to waste—I asked him when was the last time I rode regularly—really regularly, more than the once or twice a week I do now, without the constant trying to bail out on it. I buy tack instead of actually doing things with the horses, in some mistaken attempt to connect with them, but it just burns even more money.
So, what now? The simple solution of course is to sell all the tack and horses, but in my mind everything is more complicated than that. I’ve always said Clover will be always have a home with me and Tony, and I just bought Keane just over a year ago—am I that callously frivolous that I can just snap my fingers and get rid of the horses? Jaeme has right of first refusal on Keane, so I’ll talk to her about him. Also, what about boarding with Christine and AJ? I get rid of the horses, they wind up with empty stalls or another crazy boarder. Nothing is simple.
But the horses, especially Keane, can’t just sit there. And as much as I say I’m going to buckle down and “really start riding,” have I ever gotten around to it? Will I ever? I don't know, I don’t think so, not in the immediate future. I’m just saying, it’s time for me to face reality and admit that maybe my “motivation problems” aren’t just a passing phase.
I’m not doing anything rash or crazy just yet, I'm just getting out what I really know is the truth about me.
The reality is, I make too many excuses to not ride. I have two great horses at my disposal, Clover and Mico, and I let the opportunity to better myself as a rider go to waste. Also, I have a yearling colt that I hardly touch for fear that I’ll screw him up. I don’t expect and I can’t rely on Christine to do the work for me, it’s just not right. The bottom line is, Christine said something the other day that really struck a chord with me: that she spends so much time and money on the horses that she wants to get as much enjoyment as she can out of them by riding and actually doing things with them. I’ve depended so much on Christine to keep me motivated, but I’m afraid I disappoint her more than she actually motivates me.
I can’t justify the cost of keeping horses as pets. I’ve had this conversation with Tony several times over the past couple of years, and now even he sees I’m just letting it go to waste—I asked him when was the last time I rode regularly—really regularly, more than the once or twice a week I do now, without the constant trying to bail out on it. I buy tack instead of actually doing things with the horses, in some mistaken attempt to connect with them, but it just burns even more money.
So, what now? The simple solution of course is to sell all the tack and horses, but in my mind everything is more complicated than that. I’ve always said Clover will be always have a home with me and Tony, and I just bought Keane just over a year ago—am I that callously frivolous that I can just snap my fingers and get rid of the horses? Jaeme has right of first refusal on Keane, so I’ll talk to her about him. Also, what about boarding with Christine and AJ? I get rid of the horses, they wind up with empty stalls or another crazy boarder. Nothing is simple.
But the horses, especially Keane, can’t just sit there. And as much as I say I’m going to buckle down and “really start riding,” have I ever gotten around to it? Will I ever? I don't know, I don’t think so, not in the immediate future. I’m just saying, it’s time for me to face reality and admit that maybe my “motivation problems” aren’t just a passing phase.
I’m not doing anything rash or crazy just yet, I'm just getting out what I really know is the truth about me.
Comments
Post a Comment