Self fulfilling prophesy via self pity
Obviously, I still get bummed about everything that happened between me and Tony this year, and last night was no exception. I have a tendency to dwell on it instead of just moving on and doing things I know will be good for me. I bailed on riding last night; besides the affair I have a sub-issue going on with my riding, I grind myself into the ground for not being a better rider. For not being the perfect rider.
When Tony got home from riding Clover last night, he was really enthusiastic about riding and maybe taking balance seat lessons with Sarah, and how much he loves Clover. It made me feel bad, wondering what the hell is wrong with me that I just want to curl up in a ball and mope. I told Tony I have no business buying a baby horse, when I can’t even get motivated to ride a horse that I know will improve my riding.
I’m just sad, and I’m not doing things that are right for me. That makes me feel worse.
In all honesty, Mico is a difficult horse to ride in that he takes every advantage of a rider’s weakness. He’s not a horse that meets you half way. He’s not a horse you can just passenger along on. What’s even worse for me, is that I’m not even close to getting the quality of work out of him that I was this summer, before daylight savings time kicked in and we lost daylight. We spent a month hacking out, and now I can’t get it back together with Mico. I know if I can turn the corner with him, I’ll have become a better rider.
But I am really looking forward to seeing Keane–he’s become a bright spot for me right now, and knowing that Tony is 100% behind the horses makes it easy for me to daydream about the colt.
I’m not giving up on riding and I’m not giving up on riding Mico, I am definitely *not* quitting! I don’t know what I’m doing right now besides moping and feeling sorry for myself, but I’ll never walk away from riding again.
When Tony got home from riding Clover last night, he was really enthusiastic about riding and maybe taking balance seat lessons with Sarah, and how much he loves Clover. It made me feel bad, wondering what the hell is wrong with me that I just want to curl up in a ball and mope. I told Tony I have no business buying a baby horse, when I can’t even get motivated to ride a horse that I know will improve my riding.
I’m just sad, and I’m not doing things that are right for me. That makes me feel worse.
In all honesty, Mico is a difficult horse to ride in that he takes every advantage of a rider’s weakness. He’s not a horse that meets you half way. He’s not a horse you can just passenger along on. What’s even worse for me, is that I’m not even close to getting the quality of work out of him that I was this summer, before daylight savings time kicked in and we lost daylight. We spent a month hacking out, and now I can’t get it back together with Mico. I know if I can turn the corner with him, I’ll have become a better rider.
But I am really looking forward to seeing Keane–he’s become a bright spot for me right now, and knowing that Tony is 100% behind the horses makes it easy for me to daydream about the colt.
I’m not giving up on riding and I’m not giving up on riding Mico, I am definitely *not* quitting! I don’t know what I’m doing right now besides moping and feeling sorry for myself, but I’ll never walk away from riding again.
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